I’ve been having a tough time lately. Being productive has been difficult. Feeling emotions has been near impossible. Life just got pretty heavy for a while, and still is; but there was a break in the clouds.
The other day I woke up feeling pretty damn great. I had taken a break from my medication, a stupid move on my behalf I know, but I wanted to see if I could get better alone. Turns out that right now I can’t and that’s okay. I have been so far from anything near okay recently that I was beginning to think feeling better would be something I only dream of; until I woke up with a smile on my face and a lightness in my chest.
I filled myself with warm, detoxing tea and gorged on Estee Lalondes youtube channel all morning. I felt inspired! I even cleared out my cupboard, which trust me, was a courageous ordeal. I cleansed myself of clothes that didn’t make me feel as beautiful as I deserve to feel and got rid of those shorts ‘I know I could fit into if I just lost a little more weight.’ I still have a long way to go with my clothes (since I’m a bit of a sentimental hoarder) but it was a great start.
Forgetting the sweltering heat and suffocating humidity I decided to doll up, to make myself feel great. I tidied up my eyebrows and put on my favourite make up of all time which has sadly been ignored as of late due to torrents of sweat; eyeshadow.
I wore jeans for the first time in a long time and braved it with an off the sleeve shirt, something pretty risky here in the land of the rising sun.
I ended up having an amazing day!
Chad and I went for some much needed sushi before meeting up with out film making genius Mikey for an exciting upcoming project. We chatted at the ever cool blueprint cafe, stuffed ourselves with delicious Chinese food and ended the night with a very rewarding Pokemon Go adventure.
Since moving to Japan and getting a job, I’ve often found it difficult to be myself. I long to wear more stylish clothes, to accessories and take time with my make up, but I just find myself lost in plain clothes and minimal, if any, makeup. This may be the total opposite to what some people would image living in Japan would be like, given that Tokyo is famous for it’s crazy, forward thinking fashion. The thing is, 1. I live very far from Tokyo, 2. I’m an assistant teacher and 3. As someone who gets stared at so much I’ve kind of lost my confidence. It’s also way too hot in summer to look cool. WAY TOO HOT GUYS!!
What I’m getting too is; I’ve got to treat myself better. I never realised it more than I did that day. I should put make up on if I want to and dress up in clothes I love. I shouldn’t hide away behind baggy clothes and nervous glances. I have to try to embrace how I look; every blemish and every god damned curve. This is still a challenge, but it’s days like today, I think I’m getting there.
Sadly, I’m still not in a great place, but I know I’m getting there. Until next time guys! I hope you have a great week.