OCD, or obsessive compulsive disorder, is usually the butt of jokes in media and literature alike; rarely is it given the serious attention it deserves. All too often do I hear the words ‘Oh my gosh, I’m so OCD, my house is so tidy.’ or ‘They are craaaaazy OCD.’ and I have to refrain myself from rolling my eyes. While yes, OCD can be linked with tidiness, this is not actually a factor for everyone. These sort of statements are thrown around so casually, without any real thought as to what you are saying. OCD and those who have it deserve to be treated than more than the but of a joke. While I won’t go into the deep inner workings of OCD today, I did want to give you just a sneak peak on what it’s like to actually be inside the brain of someone with OCD. Despite what you think, OCD can make any task extremely difficult, no matter how small.
Getting into bed
‘I have to do this in order as quickly as possible so I can get to sleep.’
‘Did I lock the door. What if I didn’t and someone steals all our things. What if someone comes and murders us.’
‘Is the bed pushed up against the wall…it has to be, it just has to be.’
‘I should get out for the tenth time tonight and just check, maybe it moved when I wiggled.’
‘Did I unplug everything, what if a fire starts!”
‘Did I turn off the stove…oh gosh if I haven’t we may all get gassed to death.’
‘It’s not right, it’s not…where it should be. Okay breathe.’
‘Seriously, just breathe…nothing bad is going to happen…’
‘But what if it does.’
‘I can’t take this. I really can’t do this, I’m so fucking tired.’
General hygiene is sometimes too much in our interests
‘I can feel them, the germs on my hands, I need to wash them. I need. To. Wash. Them.’
‘two…four…eight…two…four..eight.’ the number of times I was my hands over and over.
‘Oh sweet jesus the bin is open and I’m near it, I need to shower, the germs, they’re all over me!’
Leaving The House
‘Is that gas I hear leaking…no, it’s fine, just focus….oh fuck that really is gas I hear leaking! I’d better go check.’
‘Just leave the house. Just put your shoes on and get out…lock the door. Just do it.’
‘I can’t take this anymore….why can’t my brain just let me normal….’
‘Okay, you’ve locked and unlocked the door six times now, I think were good.’
‘Stop just standing in the doorway! But wait…did I turn everything off? What if I left my straighteners plugged in…did I even use them?
Being In A Relationship
‘Do they love me…I’m sure they do. But remember they said that person was pretty 6 million years ago. Maybe their cheating on me.’
‘Oh god, I bet they are! Okay, try not to think about it…’
‘Are they facecbook friends? Is that who they really want to be with…oh go just let it go for heavens sake!’
‘They havent text me since they started driving an hour ago…are they okay? was there a crash? Are they even alive?!’
‘Answer your phone so I know you’re still breathing god damn it.’
Despite maybe the slight comedic side that you may seen in this thoughts, they are pretty debilitating when you’re trying to get on with everyday life. No matter how early I am, I usually leave the house late simply because my brain tells me to slip in and out of my shoes an even number of times until it’s satisfied or the world may jus implode. It sounds ridiculous, I know that, but once a thought is in my head, getting it out is really hard work. Even writing these thoughts has actually given me huge anxiety; instilling the idea that I’ve jinxed myself and that all the bad things that could go wrong are going to.
But you know, despite how some nights I stand in the middle of my room crying in frustration, or the fact I’m late when meeting people and have to face their exasperated expression of having been left waiting yet again, It’s not always bad. Sometimes I even try and laugh at myself; I have to. For me, even numbers are a key feature of my compulsions, which means I get twice the cwtches (hugs), twice the kisses, and twice the number of chocolate pieces. So you know, it’s not always all bad.
I hope this post made you think a little about OCD, and that you will think twice before using it synonymously with ‘crazy’ or making it the punchline to your jokes.
Have a great day guys.
Have a great day guys.